Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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