Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
