I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
