sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The adults are the big ones right?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
