I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
