well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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