His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
