Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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