Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
