so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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