What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
