Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
