So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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