i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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