I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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