Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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