Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Every concussion has its silver lining
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Randomize
