I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
