Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
