Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
