sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
