I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
