my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
