i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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