You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
