Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize