I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
