Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
