If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
