I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
