its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
