So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
