people are starting to question the shark bite story
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
