i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
