so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
