When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
