we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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