Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just had sex on a roof
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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