Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
just found out that she named her cat after me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
