Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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