hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
