i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
