Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my shit smells like andre
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
