She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
