Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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