well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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