i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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