Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
