I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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