So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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