I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
