Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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