Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
