All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
