Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Randomize
