It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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