dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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