remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
