My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize