Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i was born a porn star she said
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
