i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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