jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I had to cum in my sink.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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