I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
