clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
