Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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