I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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