Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
