Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
