and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
