i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
