Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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