on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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