Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize